How has Body Image Impacted on your Mental Health?
With Mental Health Awareness week next I want to discuss Body Dismorphic Disorder (BDD). This is an anxiety disorder relating to body image.
Everyone else may say you’re gorgeous, but if you don’t love yourself those words don’t mean a thing.
What triggered your anxiety about your Body Image?
I have suffered with my body image for several reasons:
- Growing up I had ginger, frizzy hair, pale skin and freckles, so I stood out and would get bullied because of the way I looked. As soon as I was old enough I coloured my hair, straightened it and wore makeup to alter my appearance.
- In my 20s I was unwell and had to take steroids, so my weight ballooned and I was overweight, which I had never been before. I hated my body shape and would punch my hips, literally trying to knock them off, leaving them badly bruised.
- In my 30s I underwent heart surgery and lost a huge amount of weight, and then I was told I looked gaunt by lots of people. I felt ugly, but still saw a fat person when I looked in the mirror.
- Two years ago I had a life-changing accident and had major facial reconstructive surgery, which involved having half my head shaved. I couldn’t wear a wig, because it was too uncomfortable where I had the stitches and staples.
What affect does Body Dysmorphic Disorder have on you and others?
You can have excessive worries about your appearance and become depressed, even agoraphobic.
You can also develop obsessive compulsive disorders, such as picking at your skin, pulling out your hair, scratching at an area of your body…
For me, I started to have panic attacks, I wouldn’t leave the house without any make-up on and I would honestly think I was the ugliest person in the world without any make-up on. I have a scar on my left wrist from where I scratched at it constantly with my sharp nails until it bled and I would make up excuses to not go out with friends, because I thought everyone was laughing at me thinking how awful I looked all the time.
Can you relate to this? Have you overcome these feelings? If so, how did you do it?
Where am I now?
Strangely, it took me having facial reconstructive surgery and losing a lot of my hair to regain my self-esteem. I was in my 40s and although I still get pity from people, I now tell people that I feel lucky, because I had a free face lift on the NHS in my mid 40s :-))
I don’t really know when, or how I got that ‘ahh ha’ moment, but when I was told I had been given a 20% chance of survival nothing else really mattered anymore. My life became about survival and making my life better. I stopped becoming a victim and I started to love myself again. I can now look at myself in the mirror and see a beautiful person looking back at me, both inside and out. I still don’t look the best in the morning, but then who does?
I enjoy getting ready to go out now and I feel confident. Even if you have scars, or you’re not the perfect shape, who cares, embrace it. Life is too short to care about what others think. Learn to love yourself, because if you can’t love yourself, you’ll find it hard to love anyone else and you’ll push others away.
